Finding Yourself: A Journey of Self-Discovery

‘the journey toward self-discovery is life’s greatest adventure’ Arianna Huffington

Welcome to Generosity of Spirit, a space to share my slow and gentle living philosophy. Please do subscribe to join me on this gentle journey of discovery and receive my Slow Sunday Letter straight into your inbox.

Hello! Welcome back to my Slow Sunday Letter, I hope you have had a lovely week. Today, I want to talk about the journey of self-discovery, and make some book recommendations I hope will support and inspire you on your own journey.

I’m going to get a little vulnerable in this piece (deep breath)! I think it is important to explain a little bit more about why I now choose to live a slow and gentle life, and why it means so much to me to share this philosophy and everything I have learnt with you all here at Generosity of Spirit! So get comfy, grab a cuppa and let’s talk …

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Growing Pains: A Beautiful Journey

Discovering Your Authentic-Self

I know lots of people are uncomfortable with the concept of ‘journey’ – but for me it is just the best way to describe our movement through life, and our ever-evolving sense of self and the impact that has on our lives and overall happiness.

My own journey of self-discovery, which has led me in recent years to adopt a slow and gentle way of life has been long, hard but ultimately deeply transformative and life-affirming. It is punctuated by four significant moments or experiences. Firstly, meeting Bear (my Husband) and creating a wonderful life together. Secondly, living with and learning to manage my anxiety. Thirdly, the sudden loss of my mother, when I was twenty-seven and she was just fifty-two. And lastly, discovering Slow and Gentle Living and adopting it as a guiding philosophy. All of these experiences changed my life in almost every conceivable way.

There is no short cut towards self-discovery, and it is completely unique for everyone. It is essentially, taking the time to learn about yourself, connect with your authentic self – your values, beliefs, motivations and more. It is the peeling back of your layers, your memories, what makes you, you. It is the process of understanding and loving yourself. It goes deep, it is long, and requires a lot of work and vulnerability. However, it is some of the most important work you can do. It is ultimately, and powerfully life-affirming. The process of self-discovery helps you gain a clearer sense of purpose and direction, whilst encouraging true self-love and acceptance.

‘That wonderful and terribly frightening journey of self-discovery. That process of growth, of being an independent person, of learning who you are, and what you want from life, is the real secret of life happiness and beauty’. Diane von Furstenberg

I remember being on a date in my early twenties and being asked possibly the most straightforward ‘go-to’ question of all time when trying to get to know someone – ‘what do you like to do in your spare time?’ … I sat there, staring back at the face in front of me, stumped. There was what felt like a very long and uncomfortable silence, before I stuttered back my answer, ‘er… I like watching movies’. The honest answer was, I had no idea.

At the time, I was studying for my degree in Philosophy at University and working most nights (at my local Theatre) – I had very little self-confidence and had my tried and tested method of aligning myself with big personalities for friends and hiding behind them. I was an introvert desperately trying to present as an extrovert to fit in. I look back at my early twenties and I can really see now how lost and unsure I was. I stumbled through, trying as we all do in our twenties to figure out who I was, what I wanted, what I had to say- on what felt like a treadmill going faster and faster. There is such a sense of urgency as we grow up to have it all figured out – to keep up with your peers. We all needed a plan when we left school, we had career days to figure out what we wanted to do (which were generally sold as lifetime careers!), we had to be confident, professional, capable – we had to be perfect mini adults as soon as possible.

I never knew what I wanted to do or be. I’d be envious of my classmates who had their plans all ironed out. Even at University, I changed degrees after year one. So indecisive, so unsure, but so eager to keep up with ‘everyone else’ and ‘adult’ correctly.

So – getting to know myself, was not a priority. Addressing past traumas – why would you when you can just ignore them? Compartmentalise and move on? I splintered into two Emily’s – the one out there in the world, and the real one inside. The real one, didn’t get much of a look in.

I was a slow learner when it came to the importance of self-care and self-discovery. Instead, I just kept moving through life with no real sense of self or direction. My anxiety slowly and steadily growing stronger and louder in the background.

I started dating Bear eleven years ago. I remember the first thing I fell in love with was his kindness. I felt safe with him, and I started to believe I could take up space. He just let me be me, he encouraged me, and we had fun. I knew he would look after my love, as much as I would look after his. It was easy and natural. We had been together a little over two years when my mother died suddenly. Looking back, I cannot imagine how I could have made it through each day without his love. Over the next few years, I tried to keep going … but the pain and loss, my growing anxiety and my disconnection from myself, and the rest of the world started to slowly engulf me until I reached my breaking point.

My journey of self-discovery started from there, and I built myself from the ground up. I did the work; I took my time, and I made a lot of changes.

I had done a lot of this work before I came across the concept of Slow Living. I can still remember when I started reading about Slow Living, the wave of recognition and the penny finally dropped. I had always craved peace, calm and safety, and I started to realise approaching life under the guidance of slow and gentle living was everything my mind and body and spirit needed. It has completely changed my life.

I am so blessed to have my Husband by my side, and my amazing family and friends who have been patient with me and loved me throughout. I had to make significant changes to my life and take the time to walk the path towards my own self-discovery to find the best ways for me to get stronger and closer to my authentic self. Adopting Slow and Gentle Living as a guiding philosophy has given me so much. It protects my peace and calm; it inspires and encourages gratitude, mindfulness and creativity. I feel more confident and productive. I am much kinder to myself, and I feel closer to my authentic self than ever before. I continue to learn more and more, and I really want to share all of this and more with you all, in the hope it may help or inspire you in some small way.

The journey towards self-discovery is not easy, but I truly believe it is so worthwhile and absolutely fundamental to our happiness.

‘Beneath the thoughts and feelings, you have worn on your shoulders for so long, there is the real you, who is worthy of freedom from what darkness said you would be. For you are more than what you feel, you are more than what you think, and yes, these things do matter, but they do not mean everything. There is still this open space deep within, endless grace to let those things go and start all over again.’ Morgan Harper Nichols

Start Where You Are

How to start a self-discovery journey…

‘the most satisfying journey is the journey you take inward with yourself’ Nitin Namdeo

Self-discovery is an ongoing process. Start where you are. Discovering your authentic self requires a lot of self-reflection and patience. Looking inward takes courage and should be a regular practice. We evolve and change so much in our lives. We experience, we have times of growth and times of stillness. We love deeply, we experience pain, the darkness of loss but also great joy, triumph, and adventure. We ebb and flow, and so do our values, passions, and inner selves.

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Self-Discovery Journal Prompts:

"Don't look right and don't look left, because these are other people's journeys and if you're looking at their journeys, you're going to get lost. So, face your front and worry about what you're doing… you don't need to compare yourself. Your journey is fine." Gatwa

Below are ten journal prompts to check in with where you are now. Journaling can help process overwhelm and is a wonderful way to have a conversation with yourself, free of judgment or pressure. Just be honest and don’t over think too much. It is simply an opportunity to learn more about yourself, and the ways you can take care of yourself.

What makes you feel calm and safe?

Where is your happy place?

How do you recharge?

Describe your perfect ordinary day …

How do you practice self-acceptance?

What are your three main intentions for the year ahead?

How do you spend the time you get alone?

Describe what makes you feel loved?

What are your dreams for the future?

What is your comfort zone? Can you see ways you can step outside of it?

Complete this sentence - I love myself because …

Top 5 books to guide your Self-Discovery Journey:

1)     Good Vibes, Good Life - Vex King

“Self-love is the balance between accepting yourself as you are, while knowing you deserve better, and then working towards it.”

This book is about self-love, positivity and achieving your goals. It’s based on spirituality, so it includes lessons drawing on the law of attraction, vibrations, and manifestation. Vex talks about his own experiences and gives many practical tips. It is a relatable and accessible book for anyone who would like some guidance through self-discovery and creating a life that you love.

2)     Eat, Pray, Love - Elizabeth Gilbert

Quite possibly the most famous novel about self-discovery and is one that is absolutely worth the hype. Elizabeth Gilbert had everything that was supposed to make her feel happy and fulfilled: a husband, a beautiful home, and a successful career.

Instead of feeling content, she felt lost. After her divorce, she decides to leave her life behind and sets off on a year-long journey of self-discovery. Her trip is divided into three parts as she explores three aspects of her nature in three different places: pleasure in Italy, devotion in India, and balance in Bali.

3)     The Midnight Library - Matt Haig

This book is sitting in my TBR pile, so it is bold to include it in this list, but it is well renowned as being one of the most insightful books on self-discovery and finding meaning and purpose – so I feel confident! I was drawn to this book because of its exploration of self, and the importance of living in the present and practising self-compassion. I cannot wait to get into it.

“Nora's life has been going from bad to worse. Then at the stroke of midnight on her last day on earth she finds herself transported to a library. There she is given the chance to undo her regrets and try out each of the other lives she might have lived. Which raises the ultimate question: with infinite choices, what is the best way to live?”

4)     The Alchemist - Paulo Coelho

‘No matter what he does every person on earth plays a central role in the history of the world. And normally he doesn’t know it’

I read The Alchemist for the first-time last year, and it was a truly beautiful and thought-provoking story. It tells the story of Santiago, a young shepherd boy who finds the courage to escape his humble life and follow his dreams. Throughout the novel, Santiago journeys across the desert and meets many friends and foes along the way, each provides an important lesson. The underlying theme of his story is overcoming fear and following your heart. Throughout, Coelho teaches us that failure is part of our journey, but the key to life is never to lose hope.

5)     Wild - Cheryl Strayed

“At twenty-two, Cheryl Strayed thought she had lost everything. In the wake of her mother’s death, her family scattered and her own marriage was soon destroyed. Four years later, with nothing more to lose, she made the most impulsive decision of her life. With no experience or training, driven only by blind will, she would hike more than a thousand miles of the Pacific Crest Trail from the Mojave Desert through California and Oregon to Washington State—and she would do it alone.”

I saw the movie starring Reese Witherspoon before I read the book- but I remember vividly watching the film and the feelings it brought out of me. I was so in awe of what Cheryl managed to do and the journey she embarked on by herself after such a great loss. Since, I have discovered the power of walking and how much I value it as part of my own self-care routine and slow life, so this book means even more to me now. If you haven’t read it or seen the movie, I do highly recommend both.

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I hope this Slow Sunday Letter has got you thinking about your own journey of self- discovery. You may be at the very beginning, you may have just found yourself on a new path, by choice or circumstance. You may have already worked through many years of discovery already. Start where you are, and trust in the magic of you.

I would love your company here at Generosity of Spirit as I encourage little moments for you in my weekly Slow Sunday Letters and of course, lots more Slow and Gentle Living inspiration. Each of our journeys are unique, but that doesn’t mean we can’t get a little support and inspiration along the way!

“You have been waiting for a gift all the while, but you forgot that you are the gift - unwrap the gem within and shine!” Bernard Kelvin Clive

Thank you for being here,

With Light & Love

Emily xxx

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