How To Be Slow & Gentle With Yourself

and how to create your own Self-Care Toolkit

Welcome to Generosity of Spirit, a space to share my slow and gentle living philosophy - alongside my love of plant-based living and food. Please do subscribe to join me on this gentle journey of discovery and receive my Slow Sunday Letter straight into your inbox.

I often catch myself saying to my friends and family ‘be slow and gentle with yourself’, and at the end of each of my Slow Sunday Letter’s I wish you, my readers, ‘a slow and gentle week’ … but have I ever explained what that means?

In this week’s Slow Sunday Letter, I want to explain how to be slow and gentle with yourself. I am hopeful this will embed itself into your every day, but I would also like it to serve as a reminder that you can wrap yourself up in slow and gentle loving arms whenever you need, particularly if you are going through a difficult time.

Life can feel overwhelming. Whether it comes from work, family, social obligations or just life in general, we can all feel overwhelmed, anxious, or stressed at times. Difficult periods are inevitable.  It is so important to give yourself as much grace as possible when you have these feelings. Carrying on, ignoring these thoughts and feelings rarely works, and more often, will see you feeling even more anxious and disconnected.

‘Anxiety is something that is part of me, but it is not who I am’ Emma Stone

I have anxiety and it affects me every day, I manage it fairly well these days, but it wasn’t always the case. My overwhelm snuck up on me day by day, I didn’t see myself slipping into a permanent state of panic and anxiety. My voice of anxiety had grown so loud and so overbearing, I couldn’t hear myself at all anymore. I had lost who I was. I was terrified to leave the house, I retreated into myself, and struggled to communicate to those around me honestly about how I was feeling.

I carried on, and pushed myself all the way to breaking point, until one day I couldn’t function anymore. I couldn’t take one more step with the heavy load I had been carrying with me.

I had reached a dead end, and I had to finally seek help. In doing so, I took the very first small step towards a new life… I embarked on a very long but very transformative healing journey. In the years since, I have devoted so much time to self-care, self-discovery, wellbeing practices and mindfulness rituals. There is no short cut, but slowly and surely with support- I started to feel safe and grounded. I started to get to know my true authentic self, possibly for the first time ever. And then, I discovered slow and gentle living, and I found the peace and calm my mind, body, and spirit craved.

My anxiety is something that I live with every day, it is a constant conversation back and forth in my mind. I am prone to panic and can easily get overwhelmed. I have worked very hard to create a life that feels safe, slow, and gentle. But life happens, and in my moments of overwhelm, and more so in the moments after, I rely on my self-care toolkit, and slow living philosophy to help support me and get me back on even ground again.

---

Create a Self-Care Toolkit

Step one in being slow and gentle with yourself is creating your own self-care toolkit.

What comes to mind when you hear the words ‘self-care’? Is it a long bubble bath? Half an hour reading? A glass of wine with a friend? Meditation? A walk?

The truth is, there is no one single approach to self-care. It can be anything at all really. If it is something that nourishes your body, mind, and spirit, it is self-care. Setting aside time for rituals and practices that are good for our mental wellbeing can create a safety net when you need one the most.

There is a wealth of advice, knowledge, suggestions, and inspiration out there. Anything and everything from mediation to daily walks, art therapy, crystals, breathing techniques, mindful cooking, balancing chakras – the list could go on and on.

A self-care toolkit is designed and curated by you, for you. It can help you plan self-care into your daily routines, until it becomes an integral part of your life.

Having a full self-care toolkit will be a valuable and powerful resource for when you need it the most. Those time we need a little extra support, or life is just a little tougher … your toolkit is right there, and will help cushion the hard times.

Journal Prompt-

What does self-care mean to me?

Self-care plans are personal, but we should all start with the basics and build from there.

The Basics in your Self-Care Toolkit:

• Eat well

• Stay Hydrated

• Get enough sleep

• Move your body

• Connect with others

Once your basics are in place, it is time to think about self-awareness and self-discovery, as we create our own bespoke self-care toolkit based on what soothes you, what you love, what makes your feel safe and what you are curious about.

Self-Care Toolkit Ideas:

Breathe

If you’re feeling overwhelmed or anxious, a quick way to begin to alleviate those feelings is by doing breathing exercises. It is so easy to lose your breath, this process can happen suddenly, or over the course of hours. Panic can build slowly, and without you being aware of it. A skipped breath here and there, tiny increments in your heart rate. Breathing is something we do not have to think about, but in times of stress or overwhelm taking a physical step away and practicing some deep breathing or calming breathing techniques can be a great way to control panic, encourage relaxation and lower your stress response.

Create Boundaries

Healthy boundaries are crucial for your wellbeing, and saying no is ok! It allows you to take control and put your wants and needs first. Placing boundaries begins with being kinder to ourselves. If something is going to cost your peace, is it worth it? Creating and maintaining boundaries, is one of the hardest things to do. Often those around you may not understand or necessarily agree with the boundaries you have set, but it is ok to put your wellbeing first. Follow your intuition and enforce healthy boundaries that protect you.

With healthy boundaries in place, you will be able to build a better work life balance, more respectful relationships with others, and a stronger bond with yourself and your needs.

Be Kind To Yourself

‘Be careful how you are talking to yourself, because you are listening’ Lisa M Hayes

Give yourself some grace – it is so easy to put ourselves down, especially when going through a difficult time. Showing yourself some compassion when you notice negative thinking can help make you feel safe, loved, and boost your self-esteem. Try thinking about how you would support a loved one or try talking to your inner child. The greatest relationship you will ever have is with yourself, so practice kindness and love.

Share With Others

Being open and honest with others is not easy. I have a tough time being vulnerable, I find it hard to open up to people (hello, introversion). Instead, I prefer to process my thoughts and emotions myself in my own time. However, it is important to encourage yourself to talk to those around you. Sharing how you feel with others can alleviate pressure, help you feel supported and heard, and create a positive and supportive environment when you need a little extra support.

You can seek professional help and support if you prefer to speak to someone not in your inner social network or reach out to family and friends. In the same way you would support your loved ones, practice accepting love and guidance from others.

Journal

It is no secret I am an advocate of journaling for self-care. Writing down how you feel when overwhelmed or anxious is a powerful way to process emotions, thoughts and feelings.

Free Writing

Writing from a stream of consciousness allows you to express yourself, without judgment and free of editing. Set yourself a timer and write, don’t think, just allow your mind to relax, and let the words come out.

Journal Prompts -

What is on my mind right now?

How am I feeling today?

Having a conversation with yourself and writing down your thoughts and feelings can help you gain control of your emotions. It is also an amazing resource for self-reflection and cultivating gratitude. I often read my journals back to help me understand myself a little better, and to remind myself how strong I am, and how far I've come. Sometimes, there is no better person to learn from than you.

How to Practice Being Slow and Gentle With Yourself…

‘being gentle, being slow’

Our self-care toolkit will change, grow and evolve over time. It is yours to develop and use as you need. In addition, we can also reconnect with slow and gentle living as a guiding philosophy.

Being slow and gentle is a form of self-love, and it is an everyday practice. Being gentle, doesn’t mean you are not pushing yourself, it is allowing yourself to move at a slower pace, to your rhythm with love and compassion. We give ourselves the grace to recover from stress, pain, and hard times and focus on connection with ourselves, nature, and those around us.

Being gentle with yourself will help you thrive, while a slow living philosophy will wrap you up and give you a safe place to land.

1. Create A Safe Place

Create a safe place, wherever that may be or whoever that may be with. Surrounding yourself with peace, calm and comfort will envelop you and make you feel cherished. This in turn will allow your mind, body, and spirit to relax, which promotes healing and grounding energy.

2. Stay Grounded

Practicing your ability to ground yourself will encourage your ability to stay calm and connected with your inner voice. In the face of stress, overwhelm, chaos and noise – if you can learn to return to yourself and remain grounded you optimise your own energy and guidance over your emotions and thoughts.

How to Ground Yourself…

• Practice meditation

• Immerse yourself in nature

• Use breathwork

• Journal

• Incorporate mindfulness into your day

• Practice gratitude

• 3 3 3 Rule

The 333 Rule asks that you find three examples of what you can see, hear, and touch within your current environment. This technique is deceptively simple, but you should really allow yourself to focus and not be rushed.

3. Practice Positive Self-Talk

I know we have already touched on being kind to yourself and practicing self-compassion – but it is so important I am mentioning it twice! We can be so incredibly hard on ourselves, and in times of stress, we can be even more critical. Learn to talk to yourself with kindness and you will notice you feel better. This isn’t as easy as it would appear, and is going to take time and patience. Hold yourself accountable when you catch your inner voice being overly negative or critical, and flip the script.

4. Take Time For Yourself

We all have very different lives, so my version of taking time for myself is likely to be completely different to yours. It is important to remember that we are focussing here on quality, not quantity. Even 5 minutes a day can be transformative. Give yourself permission to carve out some time for you to fill as you wish.

You could elongate your morning shower, or go outside on your break at work, read before bed, or get up earlier before the rest of the house wakes. Understanding yourself better and catering to your needs is so important. A lack of this will have a negative impact on how you can show up for yourself and others every day. A little goes a long way.

5. Pottering

I recently read an excerpt of Anna McGovern’s book Pottering: A cure for Modern Life and honestly, I felt seen. I love pottering, but even more so during tough times or when my anxiety is high. I find real solace in pottering. It can really calm my mind, while keeping my body moving in gentle activity and rhythm.

Anna McGovern defines Pottering as ‘To occupy oneself in a pleasant way but without a definite plan or purpose. “Pleasant” implies comfort. “Without a definite plan or purpose” implies freedom.’

Pottering, she explains, requires some form of gentle movement. ‘You are choosing to do something satisfying and useful, though sometimes the activity is slightly unnecessary. It’s satisfying because it gives you the illusion of control.’

Ideal pottering includes:

Rummaging in drawers, rearranging bookshelves, clearing out your cupboards or listening to music while ironing.

---

One Day at a Time…

I really hope this week’s Slow Sunday Letter has made you think about how you can be slow and gentle with yourself. I do believe this is an everyday guiding philosophy, but this will be especially soothing if you’re experiencing a tough time.

If you feel able, please do share what is in your own self-care toolkit and how you incorporate slow and gentle living into your life. If this is new to you, I’d love to know what you think, will you give anything a try? If I can help in anyway, please do reach out.

With Light & Love

Emily xxx

---